Dream Diary


So, the bizarre dreams have returned!!

Last night I dreamed that Dru, Jon, Jacob and I were hunters like Dean and Sam Winchester. We had to hike up this mountain to get to an abandoned orphanage that was supposed to be haunted. Everyone had died in an epidemic up there, and the sisters, before they theyselves died, had burned the children’s bodies so the disease wouldn’t spread, but their spirits were still haunting the orphanage. We couldn’t figure out why for the longest time. The sisters, as spirits, kept tyring to kill us because of their duty to protect the children. Then we finally figured out that it had been a tradition in that time period in that country (I think it was South American… maybe….) that when a mother gave up her child, she’d take a lock of his or her hair and make a ring out of it, and that’s all they’d ever have of their child. So then we had to go find all the rings. I don’t know how we did that, but we did. Things kept happening left and right! At one point Jacob and I were hurt badly because of the sisters, and Dru was knocked unconscious.

It was SO cool! We were all a team, a real team. Nobody was together, but it was like we were a family, you know? Jon and I took turns driving the Impala. We were an awesome team, too. Dru had the research power. She could look up anything. I had the knowledge from watching Supernatural for years, lol. Jon had the strength and skill with weapons. Jacob had the people skills. He could talk to people and get anything out of them. Depending on the person, he’d use either his innocent or intimidating card. Lol. We were an awesome team!!

Bahaha. And I wasn’t too bad with a sawed-off shotgun and rock salt. :)

Had another dream featuring me, Dru, and Jon, but it was too bizarre to talk about. Basically, a goo monster was chasing us, and she could transform into a human, and could teleport. She also could burn you with her goo. It was just…. strange.
:Batman:

          I dreamed of you.  But I didn’t want to.  I don’t want to.  And I don’t want you.
          I was walking along, taking care of some errands when you caught me from behind.  You wrapped your arms around me and nestled your face into my neck, moaning.  You felt so familiar, but I didn’t know who it was.  Who could be there, of all places?  I was alone there.  No one had come with me.  I desired loneliness.  I wasn’t alarmed as I should have been, perhaps, but the shape of the body pressed against me was one that I knew.  I tried to turn my head but you wouldn’t let me.
          “Who is this?” you made me ask, as I felt your arms, trying to remember.  I thought I knew then, but I hoped you would contradict me.  You pulled me around so I could see you, that smirk back on your face.  It had been a long time since I’d seen it.  That glint in your eyes I knew too well, yet desired to know nothing of.
          I simply say your name and then pull away from you, heading in the direction I was originally going, thinking you’d disappear from the place that was supposed to be my escape from the world.  From family, friends, expectations…
          “Krista, wait,” you said, and caught up to me, grabbing my arm and pulling me around.
          “Why are you here?” I asked, tears blooming.  I wasn’t going to let you fool me.  I couldn’t look you in the eyes, or see your face.  I just couldn’t.
          “For you, of course,” you murmured, and then pulled me into your arms.  “I had to see you.”
          I pushed you away, anger coursing through me weakly.  It had been sooo long since I’d felt any emotion, that everything I felt then was muted, more dull than it should have been.
          “Don’t.”  I wiped at my tears and turned on my heel.
          “Why not?” he said loudly from where he stood.
          “Because!”  I whirled around to see you with an oblivious expression.  But oh, how fake that expression was.  I could see it in your eyes.  You knew exactly what you were doing to me.  “I’m over you.  I don’t want you, and you don’t want me, so don’t even pretend.  Get out!”
          You grabbed my upper arms and wouldn’t let me go.  It didn’t make since how you were suddenly in front of me, but there you were, giving me a look I didn’t think I’d ever seen before.  That’s what stopped me: curiosity.  I always told you curiosity was my greatest flaw, but you never believed me.
          “I want to be with you,” you said, refusing to let me look away, keeping me captivated by your eyes.  Where had I seen that look before?  Surely I had seen it.
          “I…I can’t.”  I could feel my resolve wavering.  You always do that to me.  Sometimes one falls so deep that you never resurface.
          Your eyebrows swung up, hurt.  “Why not?”
          I clenched my teeth and pursed my lips.  You stood there, waiting for me to say something.  I sighed.  “I just can’t.  I…he…”  I choked and shook my head.
          “You’re worried about what he’ll think?”  I didn’t say anything, but you understood.  “He’s past you.”
          Weight was added to my chest.  For months I’d been walking around my escape, a small burden pulling on my form.  But your words added tons and tons to my load.  I started to sink to the ground, but you caught me.  I didn’t want you to catch me.  I didn’t want you to touch me.  “What do you mean?” I whispered, choking on my own breathing.  I didn’t want to know the answer, but I had to ask anyway.
          “He’s past you, she’s past you, everyone you’ve ever known has forgotten about you.  When they talk about you, it’s as if you died in some stupid accident.  You don’t exist.”
          Numb.  Nonexistent.  I had left so they could get on with their lives without me.  I was done hurting everyone.  I was done hurting.  I wanted them to forget me.  Or, I thought I had.  I thought a lot of things.
          I swallowed and shook my head.  “Let go of me.  Leave me alone.”
          “You want me,” you whispered in my ear, and then kissed the hollow right beneath it.  I gasped as my blood turned cold, electric waves flowing to the tips of my toes.  Several seconds flew by before I was able to open my eyes again and see you.  All of my air left me and I fell to the ground.  I knew that look.  I knew it.  It’s the way you used to look at her.  Even when you were with me before, that’s how you looked at her.
          “Why do you play games with me?” I moaned, and rolled over to hide my face.
          You leaned down and made me sit up, with only a little prodding of your hands.  “I’m not playing games.  I’m right here,” you said, toying with my emotions.
          “But why?”
          “I miss you,” you said, and leaned in to kiss me.  I turned my head at the last moment, and my body screamed at me for doing it.  It wanted desperately to kiss you, to feel you wrap yourself around me and let me burrow into your chest like you used to, but I couldn’t let it happen.  If I had let you, I wouldn’t have been able to recover when you left.
          Before I knew what you were doing, you put your arms around me—just as my body had wanted—and pulled me up onto my feet.  You kissed my forehead and cupped my cheek in your hand.  You hugged me, and I let you, but I was still skeptical.  I knew you had to come with a price.  “I’ve missed you,” you intoned, squeezing me into you.
          I sighed and you pulled some of the hair out of my face.  I started to hope that, maybe, after all those months I’d spent with you, you really had loved me.  You’d loved me, but were just blinded with your infatuation with her.  You’d really wanted me for me.  You loved me.
          I finally let go of whatever I was holding onto and reached up a little to kiss your lips, satisfaction immediately washing through me as soon as our skin met.  I was whole again, as so many had put it, and I could have soared.  I smiled into our kiss and felt you pull me closer.  I gladly obliged and kissed you with a forgotten intensity.
          But there was something tugging at the edge of my happiness.  Something knocked on a door so far away that it was barely audible, but it existed.  What is that nagging?  What is it?
          You stopped and hugged me, engulfing me now since your growth spurt.  “Ohhh,” you whispered into my ear.  “I never forgot how good you were.”
          I laughed a little.  A laugh!  Oh, it’d been ages since I’d laughed.  I hugged you, trying to forget the past three years, and it began to work.
          You smiled with one corner of your mouth and raised your eyebrows.  Your words cut into my reverie.  “You live alone, don’t you?  Why don’t we go back to your apartment for awhile?  We could… take a nap.”
          My heart dropped out of my being completely.  You’d begun to repair what had been done to it, but there was nothing for it then.  I started floating away, blackness encroaching on the edges of my vision.  No…no…  Why?  Why did you come find me?
          “Leave me,” I whispered from somewhere.  I didn’t even know where you were, but I had to say those words.  “Why can’t you just leave me be?”
          Your voice came out of the black.  “You want me, you know you do.”
          “No, Porter,” I whispered, unable to control the sobs.  “I don’t.”

So let me make this clear.
I’ll never come back to you.
I’ll never forget.
I dreamed of you last night, but I didn’t want to.  I don’t want to.  And I don’t want you!  I DON’T!

:Batman:

Oh, Dru, I was going to tell you about this random dream.  Had a dream about kissing.  I have no idea who it was.  I think it was Leah and Jason, but it didn’t make a whole lot of sense.  Oh well…  Random dream while I took a ten minute nap in third block.

 

{Cute guy finishes reading a small piece he wrote for creative writing class.  Some people are crying.}

She leans over very close to him.  “That was absolutely beautiful.”

“Er, thanks,” he says, smiling.

The sit, staring at each other a while.  She blinks and says, “Do you mind if I kiss you?”

“Of course I don’t mind!”

She leans in for a quick, passionate kiss ooooh!’d by the class and pull away blushing.

 

Yeah.  Random.  But I thought it was cute.

:Batman:

So, while that would be an awesome title for a blog discussing what all’s been going on with me and Krista and Jon…

This is actually a dream post. ^^

Shock/horror, right? I know, I know. I never post my dreams. [ Possibly cuz they're usually quite disturbing... or weird. Or REALLY personal. ]

So, in my dream, someone had just died. I think it was Mama, but not Mama, because I didn’t want it to be her. So it was just some non-specific family member. And I was so sad.

I was at school, but it was a weird combo of several of the schools I’ve attended. And I was crying and crying, much like monday, and I went running out of my school through these passage ways. It felt like I was in Italy or somewhere like that. It was really warm and the buildings I was running through were built on these steps – like sandstone or some light brown soft-ish stones. I could see washing and a football pitch and some other outdoorsy things at the bottom of the steps.

I kept running and I heard The Foreign Boy behind me. He grabbed me and I just surrendered. I don’t remember a lot of it, but I remember that I felt so amazing. He kissed me, he held me…

Everyone at the school was required to wear peace signs. It was something that I liked, because I like peace signs, but I also resented having to wear them. I think it was because we were showing that we didn’t approve of aggression or something. And they were sort of a status symbol. Mine was really plain. And I was really confused why he’d want me. Because there were so many other girls who were so pretty.

He told me that the reason he wanted me was because I was unique. I was one in all the girls who, because of my lack of “perfect” beauty, was more beautiful. He said he could see me. They were blinding and so similar, but I was like a breath of fresh life. ( That’s the actual expression, I think. It’s kind of hard, because not all of it was in English. It wasn’t in French or anything, it was just…in pure language. Like, beyond spoken language. )

And I woke up dazed and so, so happy. I slept through two hours of my alarm going off, or it didn’t make any sound because I woke up to it flashing and this wonderful feeling of being loved.

I wish he really saw me like that.

I don’t want him to love me or anything. I want him to want me. Even a fraction of how much I want him.

[ The Foreign Boy = Deus ]

xxdruxx

I was at a computer and I was like half kneeling on a chair and Chris, the one playing Q, came up behind me and put some big DJ headphones, like my old ones, on my ears. Then he held me real close and shocked me – like electric shock – and stepped back real quick. It was very strange cuz I woke up liking him so much more than I had. But I’m giving up on boys. Officially as of today. OFFICIALLY!

[ I txtd this to Krista. I don't remember if I blogged it already, but I thought I might as well. This is from when I had a crush on Chris. But then I gave up on boys. Or more specifically, on trying to snare one. I figured out that the only way I could find the kind of guy I wanted was to be the kind of girl the kind of guy I wanted would want. Oh yes. Very deep that. Deep like pudding. ]

[ And I've been kissed by a rose. *music note* ]

xxdruxx

Dru really likes me to post my dreams.  Well, I can sort of see that, because they can be quite interesting…  This one’s kind of morbid though.  I didn’t wake up sweaty or anything, just pensive.

Oh, Dru-I can’t scan the note.  I really want to,  but my scanner’s not working.  I’m going to have to do it in Yearbook or something.

*Ahem*  Okay, here I go… 

My Werewolf and I produce a child, though we aren’t married.  I don’t see us produce it or anything, I just suddenly have a little girl in my arms and I instinctively know who the father is.  All I know about her is that she needs some lovin, so I hug her and hug her and don’t let her go.  People keep telling me, “You need to do something about her, Krista, she’s not normal.”  I rebuke them and cover the ears of my child, who won’t let go of me, buries her face in my shoulder, and cries.  I hug her for a long, long time.  My Werewolf shows up and looks at her sadly.  “I’m sorry,” he says, and a tear drips down his face.  I look at him questioningly, and he said, “It’s my fault,” and then he disappears.  Then I know she was born yesterday.  No one tells me, I just know all of a sudden.  She was born yesterday, yet here she is in my arms as a small child, about the age of 6 or so.  Then someone pulls me away from her and I’m in a gym.  They tell me I’m the representative for a team and I have to compete.  My opponent is Dru.  We’re playing that connect-the-dots-and-make-boxes game, and she beats me terribly, by like 40 boxes.  Michael, Aquaman, and Cameron are cheering her on and celebrating.  Then we do pushups.  I do 2 and she does 50.  Again, the boys are all fawning all over her.  I look at my team and say, “Why did you want to choose me, anyway?  Why did you choose girls, why not one of your own?”  They’re all boys and they shake their heads, disappointed.  I’m really sad and start to sink into a cloud of darkness.  Tendrils come out of the shadows and envelope me, taking me to goodness knows where.  Then I come out in my driveway, but it’s several years in the future.  My house and the neighborhood, everything is old, old, old, falling apart, cloudy.  Fuzzy.  My daughter walks out from the space between my house and the one next door.  It’s Allie, my next-door-neighbor.  But she’s my daughter.  I reach my arms out to her and she runs and hugs me like she used to.  She’s really tall, like in real life, and for a moment I catch a glimpse of Jacob (yes, I’m using his name, Jacob=MyWerewolf) standing behind her, but when I try to talk to him, he disappears.  “Mom,” Allie says, and pulls back.  “My bus is almost here.”  “Where are you going?” I ask, and start crying.  “I have to go somewhere I’ll be accepted, Momma.”  Then she steps back and disappears.  Arms wrap around me from behind.  “I’m sorry,” Jacob whispers in my ear, and kisses the top of my head.  “What did we do, Jacob?  Why was she different?” I ask softly, staring at the spot she disappeared from.  “I’m sorry,” he says again, and then leaves me, disappearing behind me so that when I turn, nothing is there but the old, cracked sidewalk and dead bushes.  I turn around and jump.  Dru’s standing in front of me, her arms crossed.  She’s wearing a black jumper with jeans underneath, barefoot like always.  Her face is really pale and hollow-looking.  I wonder if she’s supposed to be dead, but her make-up is so perfect.  She stares at me, her chest not rising with breath.  Her red hair falls around her, curling at the ends and perfectly shiny, absolutely perfect.  She’s so beautiful, but she won’t smile.  The shadows pull around me again, and the Allie-now the little girl she was at first-holds my hand and hides behind my leg.  “You can’t keep her forever,” Dru says suddenly.  It’s in her usualy voice, but very soft.  Even as it’s soft, though, it rings in my ears as if she’d screamed at me.  “She’s like you.”  I look down at the little girl and I see that she has my eyes.  I look back at Dru and say, “But Jacob said it was his fault.”  I don’t understand what she’s telling me.  “No, Krista,” she says, and steps forward.  In a flash she’s right in front me, when before she had been at least fifteen feet away.  She puts her hand on her arm.  She breaths now, and she has a look on her face that’s pleading me to listen to her.  She’s concerned about me.  “He only thinks it’s his fault.  Because he didn’t stop you.”  She looks at the child.  I look around us at all the dead thinks.  “Dru, what happened?” I whisper.  She looks back at me, and her eyes have turned green.  When I see them, I see visions of myself in my most miserable moments, in the moments of grief, pain, regret.  Every time one pops up, the area around me starts to crack and die.  I blink a couple of times and Dru’s eyes are brown again.  I look down at my daughter and she climbs up into my arms.  “Mommy,” she whimpers, and I see tendrils of shadow emerge from around her and make everything around us even more pitiful.  “I don’t want to be sad anymore.”  I look back at Dru.  “Krista, you have to make some changes.”  Aquaman walks out from behind a tree.  “No, you don’t have to do anything.”  He stands next to Dru.  She doesn’t pay any attention to him, but he sneers at her.  She’s wearing a green velvet dress now, much like one she had in real life.  Aquaman wears a black shirt and jeans.  He glares at me.  “Don’t let her rule your life,” he snarls, and puts his hands in his pockets.  “Why, what do you have to offer me?” I ask.  “Nothing,” he scoffs.  “But I’ll kiss you.  And I’m good at it.  I’ll use you and dump you as soon as Afton comes around the corner.  You know you want me.”  I look from him to Dru.  She’s staring at him now, a hurt look on her face.  “How could you?” she whispers, and steps away from him.  I look at the child in my arms.  She’s dead.  I lay her on the ground and look from her to Aquaman.  I start falling back into shadows, the tendrils coming out and wrapping around me.  “No!” Dru yells.  She runs to me, but I’m falling away.  Aquaman laughs.  Dru yells again.  “No, come back!  I care about you!  You matter to me, and to Jacob!”  Jacob.  I call his name, but he doesn’t answer.  I keep falling.  Why doesn’t he catch me?  He’s supposed to catch me.  Why can’t anyone try to catch me?  I feel a pair of arms try, but no matter how hard she tries to hold on to me, Dru’s not strong enough.  I fall and fall and fall.  “I told you,” Aquaman laughs, and turns away, leaving me.  I open my eyes and hold my child again.  She leans back and smiles.  We’re in a pink, fluffy room.  There are two of them, exactly alike.  “Bye, Mom,” Allie says, and morphs into her teenage self.  “Thanks,” she smiles, and walks out the door.  “I’m changing,” my other daughter says.  I know she no longer has the power to kill things.  Like the other child, her hair is black and cropped at her shoulders.  Her eyes are silver, though.  “Leah?” I ask.  She smiles and nods.  “I’m back,” she whispers, and I look up to see Dru sitting in the corner in a white and green dress that belongs to the Irish Princess wearing it.  Her hair is intwined with silver leaves and threads.  “See,” she says, smiling.  “You’ll be happy.  I promise.”

And then I opened my eyes to see my room, as if I only woke up because that was the deliberate end of the dream.

BIZARRE, no?

 

I think it’s telling me I do need to make some changes.  Get rid of some thoughts and desires, control others, and generally make my life better.  Be optimistic.  Ask for forgiveness…

 

Aquaman and Dru you know about.

Michael and Cameron are kids from church.

Allie is my next-door-neighbor.  She’s 15 and she’s pretty cool.  Lives with her two sisters.

Leah is my fictional character that I always write about.  She’s quite special to me.  I think the child was Allie half the time and Leah the other half of the time.

Jacob/My Werewolf is my boyfriend.  I don’t know what this dream says about him.  That he cares about me?  That he doesn’t?

I think it also tells me Dru’s a real friend and I should listen to her more often.

 

…Or was it just a dream, a random product of my imagination that doesn’t mean anything besides the fact that I’m creative?

Just so you know, I have a whole heck of a lot of weird, funky dreams.

No picture of the day, I’ve already taken up a lot of room as it is, and I have more to say later…

:Batman:

Okay, Dru, just for you, I record my dream.

So, I dreamed I was dating Aquaman publically, but then he ended it because he figured out that I really liked My Werewolf, and he didn’t want to be the ’second fiddle’.  Which isn’t something he’d ever say.  That’s ironic, because I’ve been the ’second fiddle’ for months.  But anyway..

We broke up so I started dating My Werewolf.  In real life he has seizures, but it’s not a condition, not hereditary or anything, it’s a result of getting in a fight and having his head hit against something really hard.  But anyway, we fell in love.  Then he was finally diagnosed (they don’t know the exact cause internally of his seizures) by a doctor, and he had something that was going to make him die in a year or two, they weren’t sure how long he had.  I was with him when he found out.  He turned to me and said, “Do you still love me?”  I told him yes.  Then he kissed the back of my hand.  “I don’t want to be selfish.  If you want to leave…”

I put my hand on his cheek and smiled.  “I would never make you spend the rest of your life alone.  I love you too much.”

He sat with me in swings (yeah, out of nowhere we were at a park…) and still held my hand.  “There was something I was thinking about asking you, before I knew.  I… wonder if I should still ask you.”  We sat together for a long time.

“I think you should ask me,” I said, knowing what it had to be.

“Marry me?” he asked, after much hestitation.

So, yes, I agreed to marry him.  And–this is the funny part–things got kinda crazy at the wedding.  While I was off dancing with My Werewolf, somehow Dru and Aquaman ended up sitting at the same table.  Aquaman was being kind of bitter (also not like him).  “She’ll come running to me when he dies,” he muttered, and Dru had a very hard time restraining herself from slapping him.  In real life, they really can’t stand each other.  Same way in my dream. 

“Oh, shut up for once!” she snaps.

“No!”

They quarrel for a long time, and then she suddenly busts out (as she often does to me, I don’t think she’s said it to his face yet), “I HATE YOU!”

“I hate you too!” he screams!  Then they stand there panting for an all of two seconds before they attack each other.  By attacking, I mean mad kissing.  Oh man, it was hilarious!  If ever they were to actually end up together… that’s EXACTLY how it would happen, right Dru? :)

So, it was virtually a good dream.

But then he died and I woke up.  I won’t go into detail about all the sappy stuff that happened right before he died, it was basically me crying over him and him professing undying love, yadda yadda.  Ahhh, romance.  LOL.

3rd pic of the day (because I know you must all be mad at me by now):first-rain

After a while I’ll make a post about what the pictures are that I’ve shown you.  <3

:Batman:

[ Found and have become obsessed with a guy on gaia.

Sad isn't it? ^^

Better than Pie Boy though *scowl* ]

half-forgotten dreams resurface with sudden clarity

lonely heart beats beg for matching tenderness

long dormant heat burns from the inside out

can’t touch
can’t touch
can’t touch

new want urges heat on to try and melt the awkward ice

It’s amazing what a half-baked dream and a long held love of lip-rings can do.

[ so...yeah. I really like him too. That's the weird thing. We hit it off and all of a sudden I was like "hold me..." it was all very odd. Ask Emily. I SO had a dream about him like a year ago. Except he was canadian... I still remember the way that guy's shirt smelled. He was so good. ]

xxdruxx

it’s awful, because I’m so close, but it’s getting so hard. I’m coming up to the last of the first and I want so bad to reach out and touch them, but I can’t.

I can’t if I ever want a chance with the him of xyz. But then, he has his band-geek girlfriend, and I have…

I dunno.

I have a he and a she and I can’t touch either. And I’m trying so hard to be good and to walk straight but it’s not working as well as it ought and I keep having these dreams and I wake up terrified.

And now I seem to like the pie-lover, but I don’t know why because he’s something I make fun of ( not maliciously, maybe I misjudged him ) and…he keeps smiling at me.

And he was a vampire. A vampire with braces.

And it felt really good.

I don’t know…

[ Is it good to see the classic-style blog come out again? do you have any idea what I'm talking about? I guess I really am back... ]

xxdruxx