“I’m just glad you’re alive, I was getting genuinely worried ( as was Lu, I must add. )”
It’s okay world! I’m not dead! In fact, to prove my not dead-ed-ness, I have included a picture of me smiling ( so you know I’m happy. )
Aw! Look at me! I look so happy!
[ Note from the future: This was going to be the big reveal of my new hair. Hence the picture. You’ll have to bear with me through the duplicated nature of some of them. ]
I saw The Social Network a while ago and I just about died. It was definitely a creepy movie ( I did not just try to spell movie “movy,” why do you ask? ) because it made me realize how quickly facebook took over the world. We’re talking the kind of quick that is usually associated with deadly, pandemic-instigating, zombie-making virus. My powerful aversion to zombies aside, the next time I logged on to facebook I saw this big Mountain Dew ad which gave me a queasy feeling because there is actually a quote that goes something like “Oh, we won’t have advertisers like mountain dew” in the movie. When I got home I was like “I think I’m going to delete my facebook.” Coll was all in support of this.
Then I said that I thought I might delete my twitter.
Coll stopped dead in his tracks and asked me if I was feeling alright. I was. And I toyed with the idea a little more. At first I just locked myself out of my facebook/twitter. Then I recovered my password and deactivated my facebook ( only because the delete option is not readily available. Seriously, I had to google it. ) Then, after extensive research – that is, I googled it and it happened to be the first link that I clicked – I discovered how to delete a facebook account. ( Details at the end of this post. )
Twitter didn’t die until a few days later. Coll and I were still recovering from a funk that we were in and were soon to suffer the near-apocalyptical argument of Somewhere-Between-September-And-Halloween ( funnily enough, that argument was largely fueled by facebook; a contributing factor to my decision to leave. ) and we were talking about how the internet can lay bare pretty much all our secrets which can either be used as a tool for good or a tool for evil. Somewhere in that conversation, which also included me explaining baseball to him in the context of sex – “So you’ve got kissing right? Let’s pretend that’s first base…” – I tweeted my last tweet. It was fated to never reach my account which is kind of depressing considering how tragically romantic it was, but probably a good thing, retrospectively. I wouldn’t want to stir the pot ;D
That was October 27th.
Today I stand – er, sit – before you as a facebook-free, twitter-liberated individual. My facebook account no longer exists. When I try to log in it says “This email address is not associated with any facebook account” which makes my day instantly better.
I didn’t mean to be so silent on the blog. But four days after I quit twitter, I started something much more magical. NaNoWriMo.
And two days after that I was to discover a beverage that would change my life.
Approximately 30 days later, there would be a group of us sitting on Europa ( one of Jupiter’s moons ) and every single one of the four who did not have to be in bed shortly would order that same beverage.
That beverage is a Chai Tea Latte with cinnamon.
Somewhere around the middle of November, while Stance was struggling with the loss of a lover that she wasn’t supposed to have in the first place and barely disguised characters from my life battled against the great unknown with her to win a chance to advance to the next level of a video gaming tournament, things became okay with Coll and I. He forgave me. I forgave him. We got happy again.
Then he went to Boise, one of Stance’s friends was found dead and maimed in a ditch and I won.
I won a lot of things in November.
Most notably I won a competition with myself proving that I could do hard things like write 50,000 words in thirty days. But that is probably one of the least amazing prizes that I got.
I won some self-confidence.
I won a beverage that warms my soul and goes wonderfully after yoga.
I won an appreciation for the coffee shops of denton and their varied flavours of tea.
I won a real, live, non-coin-operated boy.
I won a family. More impressively, my family.
After actual Thanksgiving, which was wildly improved at the insistence of one of my friend’s entire family ( and that’s saying something. There is like two-dozen of them. ) that I “get my butt over there” in choral beauty, we had our family Thanksgiving. And I felt like I had real family. For the first time in my life, I actually feel close to my aunts and uncles and cousins. They are kind and silly and friendly. They like cats and they poke fun and they compliment my ever-shrinking waist-line. They approve of Collin without making embarrassing suggestions about things they’d like to do to him and without attempting to fondle him in any way whatsoever.
The best part is: They love me.
Or they seem to, at least. And it would be a pretty masterful illusion if it were false.
It’s funny how life can be so hard just to turn out so nice.
And so, I have heart.
And I’m not alone.
I can do hard things – like write and work and live – by myself, but I don’t have to. Because there are people that love me. And people I love.
And so, I present the new and improved me:
We can do this, World. We can survive.
More than that?
We can live.