This blog post will absolutely contain nearly naked pictures of me. Well, one. You should not read it if this bothers you. Or on the off chance that you’re related to me.
Very first things first, please see me from just over a year ago. Notice how it’s not a body shot? I didn’t really like my body.
My gosh, my hair. >.<
That picture is from just before I got my first bike. ( You know, the one that got stolen? ) I had terrible hair – some things never change – and I was around a size 18/20. I weighed about 210 lbs ( 15 stone ).
Yesterday, I bought a pair of denim shorts – the first female shorts I’ve ever bought, I usually wear swim trunks or guys cargo shorts – from TJ Maxx. They were not the largest size in the store. They were not a special cut. I nearly hyperventilated before trying them on because I was so nervous that they wouldn’t fit.
But they did ^_^ I was, and am, ecstatic.
So, since they fit, I got a bunch of new stuff. I got new underwear ( this is where the nudity comes in )
Orange with white polka spots! And yeah, that’s a bikini top. I spent 30 minutes looking for a bra that fit me properly then gave up. A cup doesn’t need an underwire anyway :p
It makes me so happy that I don’t feel disgusting showing off my body. I mean, I obviously still have some work before I’m where I want to be, but I’m now at 184 lbs ( around 13 stone ) and my legs are firm and my body is not reflective white and my hair is definitely less bad than it was. I’m not the biggest girl in the room anymore and I’m stronger and healthier. It’s awesome.
To go with my inner-wear, I got the aforementioned shorts and a really fun tank top thing.
BS – that’d be short for Banana Splits, explanation in a minute – bought my tops for me. He has a really bad habit of buying everything. He even got mad at me for not using his credit card to buy the shorts. It’s kind of nice, honestly. Makes a change from guys who want me to give them the money when our server isn’t looking so it seems like they paid.
I had a good day yesterday. It started with sleep. Sleep is the best start possible. Especially when it carries on until like 9.30 in the morning and follows a fantastically relaxing back massage with yummy-scented oil. ( As a note: I have quite an extensive collection of oils and lotions. Not because I enjoy the sexy slick times, but because I really like massages. Have oil, get back rubs. )
We had pancakes for breakfast at an IHOP conveniently located five IHOPs away from my house and listened to some 30-something guy argue about why drugs aren’t bad with his 60 year-old mother really loudly. I wanted to stab him a lot.
Then we wandered around. I spent a lot of my time saying no and getting dirty looks and exasperated sighs. Mainly because I don’t feel comfortable having people buy me random stuff. That’s not the way my life has EVER been. It’s weird.
I got dropped off at a bookstore to wait for familiar duties to be taken care of and I realized I looked like shit. Because I pretty much always look like shit. Because I have no nice clothing. :/ Behold: the impetus for a shopping trip down the strip mall.
And now I’m here, on the other side of three games with six splits – hence his nickname – and some delicious empanadas staring at ten long weeks of nothing.
I am sort of excited. I get to start school and get hotter and make vlogs and do this, right here. And I get to do it alone. I get to do hard things by myself and prove that I am strong.
But I really like him. I like falling asleep holding hands and being the one who wakes up last. I distinctly dislike being freaking murdered at air hockey, but I like doing things outside of my house. Things that make him shy and me happy.
I think my fast is necessary. I want to be happy on my terms and because of them. I don’t want him or Ziggy or anyone else to make me happy anymore. I don’t want other people to make me feel okay. I want to do that myself.
I wonder if Harry Potter will be too soon. I also wonder if you’re going to show up or not. I would like you to. I want your eyes to light up on my purple hair and wizard robes.
But I also want to be undeniably and unconquerably Dru.
Maybe I will be by then. And maybe once I am who I am, I will want to be your girlfriend.
I think so. We’ll see if you’re around to find out.