Ho Down!

Do you know about ho points? I learned about these from a co-worker and apparently all the hip-young-sters know all about this game.

You have the following point scale:

1 – Kissing/Making Out
2 – Above the Waist
3 – Below the Waist
4 – Sex
5 – Threesome

And you calculate your total “Ho Points” based on the encounters you’ve had throughout your sexually active life.

It’s essentially the Bases system but with a fifth added. A grand-slam, if you will. ( I’m talking rubbish. I have no idea what a grand-slam is. Maybe when all the bases are loaded and everyone gets back past go? Cuz that’s like $800 right? Monopoly jokes, anyone? )

So after figuring my score out, I’m at approximately 161 but I’m giving that a +/-20 point margin of error because I can’t remember who some of the initials are, much less how much I did with them. Okay, I give it a +25 margin of error, because I KNOW that I at least kissed everyone on my list.

Because numbers are meaningless without context, allow me to qualify some of my measurements.

1. All partners are assigned only one number and it will be the highest applicable value. For example, if I both kissed and had sex with AA, then they would be counted as a “4”

2. For the purpose of this list, sex acts are categorized as follows:

I) Any kiss of any duration on the lips. This excludes both mouth-to-mouth and shot-gun hits

II) Any sensual contact with female breasts.

III) Any sensual contact with genitalia, excluding phallic penetration. Anal play is included in this category.

IV) Any phallic penetration regardless of climax. For the purposes of this list lesbian “sex” is defined as mutual oral stimulation of the genitals. ( I realize this is a very narrow view of both what sex is for us and what sex is in general, but it’s a game and games need simple rules. )

V) Any sensual act involving three people that includes activities of either 3 or 4 designation for all of the people present.

3. Threesomes count for both parties involved. So if I had a threesome with BB and CC, then they would both be counted as “5” each, for a total of “10.” I use this method because there is no accounting for frequency of threesomes. BB and I might have 18 different threesomes, but BB still only counts as 5.

I’m not sure what the different thresholds are, like at 18 you’re an angel and at 500 you’re a mega whore-slut cock-guzzler, but I assume that my score is not too terrible. Not too terribly terrible. Hopefully. *shrug*

Oh well, I’m mostly happy with my extra-curricular activities lately, so I’m not too fretful.

To go along with all this talk of sex, have a picture of a really cute cat from r/aww:

20121211-190131.jpg

Addendum: Feel free to leave your own scores below ;)

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