A list of foods that I, your roommate, will never steal:

Your creamy peanut butter – unless I’m out of crunchy and anything more delicious

Anything alcoholic – unless I’m depressed and it’s easily replaceable

Your meat – unless meat is a euphemism for dick

The last of anything – unless I’m really super pissed at you and you have pizza.

I’m probably gonna steal everything else. But you can use my food too! And if I use it, I’ll replace it :)


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