Eyes

Let’s talk about the colours of my lovers’-past eyes.

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My eyes are brown. I like brown eyes

Dan was my first cereal boyfriend. He was English, his eyes were grey. In the sun in the conservatory with 45s playing on his turntable they looked exactly the same colour as the channel in October. No joke. They were full of laughter and lies. Super easy to read him.

Jon was my high school boyfriend. He was a redneck and stupidly proud of his racism and homophobia. His eyes were hazel I think? I get sick to my stomach when I think about his eyes. I’m lucky I got away.

Coll was my first apartment boyfriend. He was a white American boy. His eyes were blue. Like ice blue. Very pretty, very guileless. I think he probably treated me better than any other bf I’ve had. I’m glad we’re friends again now.

Brian was my freshman uni boyfriend. He was Korean-American and had brown eyes. They went golden, like dark honey, in the sunlight. I don’t know that he ever told me any truth. I think he maybe was in incredible pain. Idk.

Idr what color Jade’s eyes were. I think she said they were green. I remember she mostly looked upset at me. I was not an amazing girlfriend.

BJ isn’t a boyfriend and isn’t past, but his eyes are brown. They’re dark and warm and surprisingly deep. He almost never looks me in the eye, but when he does it kinda makes me dizzy.

It’s important to remember good things. It’s important to acknowledge that things that used to matter might not anymore. The colour of Dan’s eyes will always matter. The colour of Coll’s will always be a pleasant memory when I stumble upon it, but the colour of Jon’s eyes is better forgotten, along with that entire relationship. And the colour of Brian’s…probably won’t matter next year. But they were so beautiful at the time.

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2 thoughts on “Eyes

  1. I’m sorry that’s the way you remember me. I was a stupid, un-experienced kid, but honestly I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do.

    I hope all is well in your life and you are happy.

    I’m not going to ask you for forgiveness, but I will say I’m very sorry that I hurt you the way i did.

    –Jon (the high school boyfriend)

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