Allergies, Antihistamines, and the Art of Being Alive

trigger warning: suicide

So you remember when I tried to kil myself a couple of years ago? Remember how I took a bunch of Benadryl and some other stuff and then hospital and crisis centre and therapy and crying for months?

Yah. That. I’m better now, not 100% – I still have days. But I’m definitely like 87%. A firm 87 – not a wobbly one.

Here’s the thing. I have awful allergies and I took some Benadryl – just two nothing crazy – for them like 30m ago. And now I’m starting to fall asleep from the pills. The sedatives in them are taking effect, and it feels exactly like dying did and I’m freaking the fuck out and no one is awake to talk to me and I am panicking a little. A lot.

There’s a crisis plan though:

Step 1) breathe it out
Step 2) reach out to people
Step 3) write about it
Step 4) call family
Step 5) go to someone or get someone to come to you
Step 6) call a crisis line
Step 7) idek go to a hospital? If ur here then things are really bad.

And you just do the things on the list in order until you feel better. We’re on step three right now and I really want to fall asleep but I am legitimately uncomfortable with and frightened by what I’m feeling right now. I don’t like to be sedated. At least not with diphenhydramine :(

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