I signed up a year ago, deleted it for a while, just reinstalled like two weeks ago. I’ve definitely had better luck this time around. As is always the case when dealing with men, there’s a tonne of bullshit to wade through, but if you’re persistent and optimistic, you will eventually find a few decent lays. Or at least a few fun ones.
Let me run you through the best parts of online encounters:
- The Meet-Cute: Conveniently, my address does not actually lead to my flat if you follow GPS. This means that the first time someone comes over – usually at like 1 or 2am – we end up wandering around talking to each other on the phone and trying to find each other.
- We Got No Strings: Meeting and banging someone from the Internet almost never leads to more. This is fantastic because relationships are painful and hard, and sex is fun and therefore preferable unattached.
- Whatshername: The sorta awkward pause when I realise after we’ve already banged that I’m only about 60% sure of the person’s name is hands down my favourite exercise in improv. “How do you spell your name? No, your last name.” is a great line. As is “What’s your last name, I’m not going to Facebook you I promise – I just need to add you to the list of people I’ve had sex with in my life.” I usually go with the second one to be honest.
- Stayin’ Alive: As of this writing, I have not yet been murdered by anyone. Which is just great, if you ask me.